Welcome to thenumber38.com.
The purpose of this site is to spread hope and encouragement to those struggling with mental health disorders by sharing my own experience, strength, and hope. If you have found yourself on this page, please know this: you are not alone. There are countless individuals out there who not only empathize with the experience of having a mental health disorder but have learned how to live with a sense of peace and purpose.
Who Am I?
As someone who has been diagnosed with treatment-resistant major depression and generalized anxiety disorder, I know firsthand how overwhelming and exhausting daily life can become. The seemingly endless obstacles, the weight of hopelessness, and the fear that life will never improve can take a heavy toll on even the strongest people. It is my sincere pleasure to tell you that, no matter how impossible things might feel right now, there is hope. There is light beyond the darkness, even if you cannot see it today.
My Story
In December of 2008, I began fighting with what had felt like a relentless battle. There were many moments where I felt like giving up, where the burden seemed far too great to bear. I remember thinking, “What’s the use? I just can’t beat this thing.” Those thoughts would become suffocating, pushing me to the edge. And yet, through perseverance, support, and an openness to different treatments, I was able emerge on the other side. This was a 10 year battle and I consider myself truly blessed to have been able to live a peaceful and meaningful life for the past six years. That peace did not come easily, nor did it happen overnight, but it did happen — and that means it can happen for you, too.
Over that 10 year period, I had tried many treatments, each one a step on a very long road. Among them, I had undergone over 40 sessions of electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), which became a critical part of my treatment plan. I have also pursued one of the more experimental forms of therapy: brain surgery, as part of a clinical trial where I was the 38th patient.
That number — 38 — carries a special significance for me, and it is where this site gets its name. It is a reminder that, while we may feel alone and unique in our suffering, there are others who have walked similar paths.
The Purpose Of This Site
My hope is that thenumber38.com will become a place of community, encouragement, and authentic conversation. Too often, those with mental health challenges feel isolated, ashamed, or fearful of judgment. Here, I want to erase that stigma. I want people to know that they are seen, heard, and valued — exactly as they are. The battle for mental health can be long, but it is one you do not have to fight alone. We can draw strength from each other and learn from each other.
If you are in the depths of a mental health crisis, please try to hold on. Do not fear the struggle, and do not believe that this darkness is the final word on your life. You can make it through. You can come out of this dark tunnel and stand, at last, bathed in the warm light of hope and healing. It is possible — even if your mind tells you otherwise right now. I encourage you from the depths of my heart: do not give up.
You Are Not Alone
I want to encourage everyone reading these words to give themselves the grace and compassion that mental illness so often tries to strip away. Enduring the pain, frustration, and sometimes hopelessness that come with these conditions takes enormous courage. Be gentle with yourself. You are doing the best you can, even on days when it feels like you are failing. Mental health challenges are among the greatest tests a person can face, and surviving them is an achievement in itself.
To those who are willing to join me on this journey, I promise to share my story, with honesty and openness. I want to create a space where others might find even a small spark of comfort or inspiration. If sharing my experiences can ease another person’s pain, or help them feel understood for a moment, then every hardship I have faced becomes worthwhile. My mission is to be of service in any way that I can.
Getting Involved
Over time, I plan to add more content about my treatment journey, my coping strategies, and the resources that have helped me reclaim my life. I will talk openly about setbacks, doubts, and what it means to accept that healing is often not a straight line. If you choose to follow along, I invite you to engage — leave a comment, ask a question, or simply read and reflect. Every story, including yours, deserves to be honored.
Disclaimer
It is important for me to emphasize that I am not a healthcare professional. Everything I share on this website comes solely from my personal experiences navigating the complex world of mental health. My suggestions, reflections, and recommendations should never replace the guidance of a qualified medical professional. If you are struggling, I strongly encourage you to reach out to a licensed mental health provider who can work with you on a treatment plan that fits your unique circumstances.
There will be good days and bad days ahead, for me and for you. There will be moments of fear, moments of doubt, and perhaps moments of renewed despair. But there will also be moments of triumph, peace, and gratitude. I believe that if we face these challenges together, sharing our struggles honestly, we can build a foundation of hope stronger than the darkness we have endured.
Thank You
Thank you for being here. Thank you for allowing me to share my truth, and thank you for considering your own. I look forward to walking this path with you, learning from you, and helping however I can. Remember, no matter how deep the night feels, the dawn will always come. Don’t give up. You matter, and hope is never as far away as it might seem.